The Halloween pumpkins are moldering
on the front stoop, and the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers have
been left over for their last meal, ushering in the most angst-iful time of
the year:
Ugly Christmas Sweater Season.
While I do loves me some Ugly
Christmas Sweaters, I do hates me the potential for offending someone
by complimenting them on their Ugly Christmas Sweater – which they
do not consider to be an Ugly Christmas Sweater. As the mother of two
teens, I am empathetic to having clothes judged so harshly.
For example, when I asked The Little
Princess what makes an Ugly Christmas Sweater ugly, she said “Anything that
comes from Goodwill and looks like it was made by a Gramma.” When I
asked The Little Prince the same question, he hesitated, quickly
scanned what I was wearing and shrugged.
His response made me a little teary
eyed, because that was the most he talked to me last week. And
because I was wearing a normal, ordinary, not ugly, black
sweatshirt, proudly emblazoned with “IOWA” in gold lettering.
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| Ugly? Or Taste Challenged? |
That's the problem with Ugly Christmas
Sweaters – there is no clear-cut description of what constitutes ugliness in a sweater,
Christmas or otherwise. This new trend of marketing ugly as ugly has only made the situation
worse. Just in case you've been living under a rock (or you shop at
much nicer stores than I do) you can now buy Ugly Christmas Sweaters,
Sweatshirts, T-shirts, Socks, Hats, Pants, Dresses, Pajamas and
Suits. Some of these items try just a little too hard (like the
suits), blowing right past Ugly Christmas Attire to Hideous Christmas
Attire.
In my humble opinion, the beauty of an
ugly sweater comes from the fact that it is not trying to be
ugly. Are they tacky? Maybe. Tasteless? Probably. Ugly? Well . . . .
It seems to me the ugliest of the Ugly Christmas Sweaters are the
Ambiguously Ugly Christmas Sweaters. And this is where I struggle to
know what to say, and whether or not to say it.
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| Trying too hard. |
Should I say “I like your sweater,”
and run the risk of looking like I don't recognize an ugly sweater
when I see one? Or should I say “I like your ugly sweater,”
and run the risk of offending the wearer, who may or may not
think their sweater is ugly?
Which brings me back to my original
question: What makes an Ugly Christmas Sweater Ugly?
Is it the embellishments? Does the
addition of pom-poms, bells (which should be outlawed), bows,
glitter, rhinestones, or puffy paint make the sweater ugly? Or is it
the amount of embellishment? Personally I think lights or music (not
just bells) should result in disqualification.
Is it the color? There are certain
shades of pink and aqua which have taken up a firm residence in
Christmas-color-land and which need to be sent back to the 1950s,
from whence they escaped. Or is it the combination of colors? Red is
OK, red and white are OK, but red, white and green start edging
towards ugly.
Ugly Christmas Sweater Season would be
much less stressful if you were required to wear a button that
proclaimed “Yes, I think this Christmas (fill in the blank) is
ugly.”
Preferably a LARGE button, in off-pink
and off-aqua, with flashing lights, music, bells and pom-poms.
And a Santa hat.
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| NOT an Ugly Christmas Sweater. |
