Saturday, February 20, 2016

Top 10 Signs You're an Iowa High School Wrestling Tournament Newbie

This may be your first time at the Iowa High School State Wrestling Tournament if...

1. You make it to downtown Des Moines just fine and even find a parking spot, but then you immediately get lost in the skywalk.

2. You make it to very crowded The Wells Fargo Arena (never underestimate the ability of teenage girls to find teenage boys) and still manage to find the group from your high school without texting anyone.

3. You set out to find a seat on your own (because you don't want to embarrass your teenage daughter), only to find out the only available seats are in the third tier. You make it to the third tier only to remember that you are Deathly. Afraid. Of Heights.

4. Deathly. Afraid. As in, almost paralyzed and unable to leave your seat in the third tier. As in you nearly wet yourself every time one of the teenagers around you climbs over rows of seats for no apparent reason other than to give you a heart attack.

5. You treat yourself to a Thelma's ice cream cookie sandwich for second breakfast, because you survived the third tier. Life. Is. Good.

6. You decide that it is better to stand out on the concourse and occasionally check the scoreboard rather than to try and find a seat in the third tier again.

7. You manage to score a seat in the top row of the second tier, which doesn't require walking up or down any steps. YAY!

8. Through casual conversation you find out you are sitting with the great-grandparents of the 126 lb. wrestler from Logan-Magnolia. Along with his great-aunt, parents, grandparents, and younger brothers. You cheer along as he wins his first consolation match. YAY

9. You make the following fashion observations:
  • It's Iowa, so 75% of the teenage boys wear ball caps advertising something.
  • It's wrestling, so 27% of the teenage boys wear stocking caps.
  • It's a high school tournament, so 98% of everybody has on a coat, sweatshirt or t-shirt announcing their school, wrestling in general, their wrestlers in particular, cheer leading or some other sport.
  • It's Iowa, so 60% of the teenage boys wear cowboy boots. The other 30% wear tennis shoes.
  • You are witnessing a fashion shift (at last), as less than 5% of the teenage girls are wearing Uggs, but now 75% are wearing white Converse tennis shoes. Don't get too excited about change, as 85% of the girls still wear skin-tight black leggins and 10% wear skin-tight jeggings. The other 5% wear cheer skirts, and then change to leggins. This makes it nearly impossible to tell the girls apart from a distance.
10. You realize Iowan's travel in packs – by school, by family, or in groups of girls or boys. This makes it very difficult to navigate the narrow concourse or sidewalks quickly. This is annoying, but makes for interesting people watching. You also wish you had a sheep dog with you to move the herd along.

11. You have a great time hanging out(ish) with your daughter and her friends. But you still wish there was less... wrestling... involved in wrestling and you'll be happy if you never see another teenage boy getting his dislocated shoulder popped back into place.

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