Sunday, January 25, 2009

I did not make a New Year's Resolution to lose weight this year. In fact, I didn't make any resolutions, because I'm so damn near perfect it already scares me. One fulfilled resolution might push me right over the edge, and then where would I be? Nobody's perfect, so if I were to become perfect, I'd have to cease to exist. Trust me, it's better this way.

Anyhoo, I've decided not to try to lose weight, because the cosmic cards are stacked against me. How do I know? Glad you asked. While I was out doing a little pre-New Year's shopping, I was hit by a double whammy of cosmic no-dieting energy.

How do I know it was a cosmic hint? Because it was two, two, two hints in one! Where else can you get a two for one without even trying? I was on a roll. Actually, a tortilla.

So there I was, trying to be a good girl by picking up a little drive-thru lunch before hitting the grocery store. Oh yeah. I've done the grocery shopping while hungry thing, and it was bu-ugly. Bags full of groceries, and still nothing for dinner.

On a whim, I decided to make a run for the border, not something I usually do. As a rule, the only tacos I like to get from a window are Ganzo's tacos at the Big Muscatine County Fair. Any other quick-style Mexican food brings back college age memories of closing down bars, or only having two dollars to my name.

Little did I know that Taco Whichever, had a New! Lite! Menu! I figured that many exclamations points couldn't be bad, so I ordered Lite! Chicken! Something! with an ice tea. No exclamation, but I don't really expect any excitement from my tea.

Fast forward thru the payment and pulling back out into traffic. Low and Behold, what do I find in my bag? Not a New! Lite! Chicken Whatever! That, I figured was cosmic sign number one (or numero uno, as it may be). I briefly weighed the option of going back to Taco Whichever and demanding a refund, but figured, hey, if they couldn't get it right the first time, what's the chance of them getting it right the second time? Besides, whatever was in the bag smelled much better than a New! Lite! Anything!

HELLOOOOO. Cosmic lightening bolt number 2 (numero dos): Did you know they make tacos with both a soft and hard shell?! I have got to get out more. I don't know who had this heavenly brain storm, but they are a freakin' genius! It's like a french fry that is both crispy and smushy -- and warm -- all at the same time. Think McDonald's fries fresh out of the fryer. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Add to that crunchy and smushy some spicy hamburger-like substance and a little grease and WHOO HOO -- a wrapper full of paradise. Waaaay better than any skinny ass, dry chicken and anemic looking tomato pico de gayo. Obviously a sign from above that I was not meant to eat dull, bland food.

I just feel sorry for whatever poor sap was expecting to get a couple of crunch wrap taste sensations, but ended up with New! No Flavor! Chicken Whatever! I sure hope they went back and complained. Or shot up the place.

Now that I have experienced Crunch Wrap Nirvana, I could understand New! Lite! Chicken Violence!

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