Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Lotta Latte

I stopped in this morning for a latte (with Brown Sugar syrup, in case you're taking orders for delivery) at Local Grounds, the coffee shop in West Liberty. That's my little treat for being good. It's a little pick-me-up after visiting the Queen Mother at the nursing home, because those visits can be... well, stressful. The coffee is great, and the atmosphere is soothing and friendly. Just the thing to snap me out of my funk.

I think coffee, and food in general, is better when someone else makes it. Must be something about the lack of effort. Laziness just makes everything taste better.

I'm usually pretty picky about my coffee, because I like it weak. The weaker the better. So weak it needs a wheelchair, heh heh. It's 98-pound weakling-weak. Hot chocolate beats it up for lunch money. Weak-edy, weak, weak. Tea without the funny accent. Mom used to say I didn't make coffee, I just stored the coffee grounds somewhere near the hot water.

At home I make half-caff. Too much caff and I get jittery; too bitter and my tummy gets upset; No caff and my head gets upset. There's a fine line there. Honestly, I'm not sure caffeine causes the jitters I think it's just morning. Morning and a lack of sweets. A cinnamon roll and another cup and I'm good to go, in fact my productivity level goes way through the roof. Zoom! Like Hammie in the movie "Over the Hedge," the world just seems to slow down while I just keep on keepin' on, it's a beautiful thing. Drink just enough coffee (or booze) and suddenly EVERYTHING BECOMES CLEAR! Give me a couple lattes and a red phone and I could solve the world's problems. Or bomb the hell out of a couple countries. Maybe it's the same thing.

Of course I don't really believe red dye or sugar makes kids anymore hyper and obnoxious than they already are, it just makes the adults more aware of how hyper and obnoxious they are but if those parents had a little coffee and relaxed I'm sure everything would be just fine.

I do remember back in junior high one of my friends and I used to go downtown to the drug store to get a Coke after school -- it was always Dr. Pepper, but we called it a "Coke" because we thought that was the clever thing to do, I mean, we were in junior high, what do you expect? But anyway, we always got Dr. Pepper because we thought that made us silly, more silly than, say an actual Coke, but I'm sure if we thought Cokes made us silly they would have, too. I'm pretty sure Dr. Pepper has both red dye and sugar, in addition to caffeine, so it would be like hitting the trifecta, I think, but I don't really know what that is. It's a cool word though. Kind of like latte -- lah tehy -- latte, latte, latte. Hee hee hee hee.

So anyway, I was saying I liked Local Grounds because it's so laid back, I mean I've been to a couple coffee shops in Iowa City and everyone is all looking at you like you're an idiot if you don't know the difference between one crazy coffee name and another and if you didn't bring in your Save The Earth Refillable Mug, you're afraid they're going to spit in your coffee, and wouldn't that just serve you right, you beast, for destroying Mother Earth and for God's sake don't forget to ask for the Free-Range Free-Trade but certainly not Free-Cost special beans that were hand picked under a full moon at the peak of ripeness by virgins wearing 100% dye and perfume free cotton gowns and were individually individually cushion wrapped (the beans not the virgins) to avoid bruising during the flight to America on a soy diesel-powered airplane. Once in the States they (the beans not the virgins) are gently roasted (and I mean, really, how can you gently roast something?) in pure copper kettles by Monks who are first cousins to the virgin bean pickers and who personally watch via remote camera to make sure you enjoy your coffee because if you don't they will all (Monks, virgins and offending beans) throw themselves into a volcano to appease the Coffee Bean Gods -- who are no doubt named something like Grande Macchiato Frappa-hoochie.

But the girls who work at Local Grounds are really helpful and describe the drinks so you can understand and even offer suggestions and well, I suppose they're not really girls girls, I mean I'm sure there's a word to describe women of our age (sorta) other than that outdated "30-something", and yes I use the term "30" loosely because I think of myself as still 30-ish emphasis on "ish", but there was never a "40-something" and "30-something" just seems so 80s, although I remember when that TV show was on and I thought 30-something was just a hairs-breadth away from being ancient, and now here I am at that age where you start calling grown women "girls," and my gosh I sound like I'm ready for my wheelchair but only if it is custom designed to include a cup holder for my latte.

And maybe extra suspension because right now it seems the world has developed a little bit of a bounce. And maybe a seat belt because I seem to be having trouble holding still. And for sure extra wide tires because I'm gonna be burnin' me some rubber as I race down the road because I'm out of latte and I.
A Refill.


  1. you are sooooo funny! I love to read this! Lets have lunch soon I need a good laugh


  2. That is great Jo. Loved it. I'll now have to continue to keep up with your blogs. Come on in and I'll make ya a super-duper latte.