Wednesday, March 11, 2009

"Lightning" Up for Lent

So here we are in week three of Lent, and I'm, uh, still deciding on a penance.

Whew! Did anyone else feel that lightning bolt strike? It seemed so... close. Like it was... right beside me.

Maybe "still deciding" is a little strong. I've pretty much, like 95% of the time, except in times of extreme duress, given up pop. Or soda. If you narrow that down to "cola," my success rate goes up to 98%. It feels like a hollow victory, though, because cutting out pop would have been my New Years' resolution, if I made resolutions. Which I don't.

At Cathecism class I announced my plan to quit swearing. Unfortunately, for this to be possible I'd have to give up driving. And cooking. And my accounting class. And, well, pretty much everything.

The problem is that everything I consider as a penance either has unintended consequences, or isn't much of a sacrifice.

His Royal Highness, the King Husband, has suggested I give up coffee. I tried to explain that if this were to happen I would also have to give up the Prince and Princess as they wouldn't be allowed to visit me in the Big House which is where I would be after I killed someone (most likely him) in a rage created by caffeine withdrawal.

I could give up TV, but I never get to pick the shows anyway. I'm not sure giving up Disney Channel would count as a sacrifice.

I could give up being a smart ass. Ha! Oh, that was a good one! Woo hoo hoo! But seriously. No.

I could give up being right all the time. But that's not really a sacrifice on my behalf. It's not like I enjoy being right. It's a burden.

I could stop giving other drivers advice, but they don't seem to take it anyway. And they really, really need it.

I suppose at this late date, I should stick with giving up pop. Besides, drinking a Coke is soooo much more tempting when I think of it as a sacrifice, instead of just something to avoid.

And Lent is all about sacrifice and temptation, right?

And I'm all about the loopholes. St. Peter's going to have to meet me at the Pearly Gates with a squadron of lawyer angels. Of course, if the jokes are true, the lawyers will be stationed elsewhere.

Was that thunder I heard?

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